


oh so madly the world spins

by vermellion



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Parental Roy Mustang, Promised Day, no editing we die like men, promised day but father kills ed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:41:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25613017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vermellion/pseuds/vermellion
Summary: What if May wasn't there on the Promised Day to give Ed's arm back?
Relationships: Alphonse Elric & Edward Elric, Alphonse Elric & Roy Mustang
Comments: 32
Kudos: 141





	oh so madly the world spins

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SiryyGray](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SiryyGray/gifts).



> sorry in advance

Al couldn’t see.

When Father had lost control of his power, everything had become a blur. Dust and smoke was seemingly conjured out of nowhere and completely surrounded him. If Al had had a body, he was certain he would have been knocked out cold from the impact.

There was yelling all around him as everyone had begun to regain their bearings on what was happening. The cacophony of noises around him was slowly quieting as the dust finally started settling on the ground. The barrage of sounds had quickly muted as Al had pieced together what was happening. Being able to stay conscious and aware but also not able to move was proving to be an irritating combination.

Father was standing in the centre of a crater, most likely the result of the explosion.

Something was off with his expression. There was a crazed look in his eyes that Al couldn’t quite describe, almost like a feral animal. He was scanning everyone around him, like a hunter preparing to strike at its prey. His eyes had briefly passed over Al, and then over May, who was lying unconscious just a few feet behind what remained of Als armor. There seemed to be no acknowledgement, which Al was silently thankful for.

The search for his prey seemed to stop once Father had locked eyes with Ed. Ed, who was currently pinned to a slab of rubble by a piece of rebar.

Al had a horrifying realization of what was happening as Father began sauntering towards his older brother.

Al once again found himself cursing his metal prison. Everyone around them was either unconscious or incapacitated, yet when Al needed his strength and resilience most, the cage binding his soul was battered, damaged, and useless.

Distantly, Al became aware of sound around him. Hohenheim, Teacher, even Lieutenant Hawkeye, and others he couldn’t recognize at the moment had begun what seemed to be pleading, but Al was not registering anything being said. He could only focus on the man slowly but surely drawing closer to Ed, and Al could not do anything about it. 

For a split second, Al had wondered if this was how Ed had felt when Al had lost his body. Watching the person closest to you meet their end. Except Al couldn’t perform alchemy right now, not with the state his body was in, and the only other person close enough would have been May, who was currently unconscious.

He had spent more time pursuing that train of thought than he had hoped. When had Father gotten so close to Ed?

For the first time since most of the dust had cleared, Al looked directly into Ed’s eyes. Al had only seen the expression that was currently plastered on his face a handful of times.

To anyone else, it would have looked like Ed was trying to put up a fight. Like his anger and fury was still there, fueling him to free himself, and continue the brawl with Father. But Al knew his brother better than anyone else. There was no anger, no burning rage or fury. Just pure fear. Pure desperation to get away from the man who was now towering over Ed.

Father raised his right hand, putting it directly over Edwards forehead and -

_ Scar was leering over his defeated brother, hand already outstretched and ready to kill. Al could hear Ed plead with the man, the murderer, to  _ please spare my little brother he’s all I have left, he has nothing to do with the military _ – and the man had seemed to concede. Al could see a hint of satisfaction behind his brother’s grim expression, and it wasn’t fair, Ed didn’t get to decide to die for him and – _

And there was no deal like that this time. Murderer or not, Scar had been a person, had been a  _ brother,  _ and could at least agree to Ed’s wishes before going for the final blow. Father had no remorse, he wasn’t even human, he was a  _ monster  _ who saw no issues with  _ slaughtering millions of people  _ just for his own goals. There was no deal. There was no just, albeit sorely misguided cause. This was simply a hunter looking for its next meal.

Al had begun trying to claw his way over to Ed, with his beat iron body. The screeching coming from the metal roughly grinding against the ground blocked out most noise around him.

When Al had brought his focus back to him, Ed had looked like he was about to pass out. Whether it was from nerves or whatever Father had begun doing to him, Al wouldn’t know.

It felt like everything was in slow motion. The people around him were moving, trying to get to Ed as quickly as they could. Teacher was shrieking out threats directed to someone, but whether it was out of concern for Ed or out of malice towards Father, Al couldn’t tell. Hohenheim seemed to be incapacitated somehow, but had begun a pathetic attempt to crawl towards Ed. Lieutenant Hawkeye was barking orders to the soldiers around her, with a sense of panic in her voice that Al had only ever heard when she thought Colonel Mustang had been killed by the homunculi.

After what felt like hours but in reality was probably only mere seconds, Father removed his hand from atop Ed’s head. His expression had gone completely slack.

Ed’s eyes remained open as his head slumped forward, processing none of the chaos that had just begun around them.

If there was a lot of panic before, now everyone was absolutely seething with rage, animosity, malice and a whole slew of other negative emotions pointed at Father.

But Al couldn’t bring himself to care about Father. Not when Ed had that terrible lifeless look in his eyes,  _ there has to be another reason, he couldn’t have – _

Al only became aware of the cracks in his armor before it was too late.

No,  _ no,  _ the seal can’t break now, not when he needs to get to Ed –

And suddenly all Al could see was the white expanse of Truths domain.

In front of him was his own body. His own withered, malnourished body that he had already rejected once today. The entity that bore his face raised his head to look at Al, with a calm expression. “Well, are you ready?” Not-Al stared into his soul, appearing as if nothing was wrong, as if Al hadn’t just watched Ed  _ die – no, he can’t be gone, I need to make sure. _

“I guess I don’t really have a choice, do I?” He followed his question with an empty chuckle.

“Not unless you have something to give in exchange, alchemist,” Not-Al said. The only thing Al had was his soul, what could he even give in exchange? “I wouldn’t worry about it too much; you might be in for a surprise.” As if that wasn’t an extremely cryptic thing to say.

Not-Al had made to grasp Real-Al’s hand, and Al found his soul returning to his original body. Having your soul moved around is probably one of the strangest sensations Al had ever experienced.

And then Al was alone. He didn’t even register that Ed’s gate was nowhere to be seen.

Al hadn’t known how much time had passed until he felt himself being grabbed by the black hands sprouting from his gate once again, slowly feeling his consciousness fade.

-

“ – wake up, come on Alphonse!”

He found himself slowly blinking, finally being able to experience sleeping after so many years. If only he could remain in that calm, blissful state for just a little while longer, but the memories of what had happened crashed into the front of mind as suddenly as he had woken up.

He shot up from his position on the ground immediately, just barely avoiding a headbutt with his dad.

“W-what happened? How… how am I here? Where’s Ed?” Al had managed to choke out. He found it difficult to speak, whether it be from not having used vocal cords for literal years, or from the onslaught of emotions he was currently feeling.

“Father was taken care of, but…” Hohenheim had trailed off, refusing to make eye contact with Al. There were tears in his eyes, and he was making an expression that looked so  _ wrong  _ on his face, as if his entire world had burned to the ground.

“But how did I come back? There shouldn’t have been any way…” Al trailed off. Examining his father's face closer, there was a smidge of guilt wrapped up in his sadness.  _ Had he…? _

Al knew he should be trying to find out what had happened to Ed, but all he could care to process was the sudden dread that had overcome him, nearly choking him.

He felt the sting on his knuckles before he had even realized he punched his dad in the face. “You used your  _ philosophers stone?”  _ He managed to spit out. _ “ _ We… we had decided to never use them for ourselves! You can’t make that decision for me!” Al was finding it increasingly difficult to speak clearly, his voice being taken over by sobs.

“I… I know it’s not what you wanted, but… I couldn’t bear losing both of you. Not at the same time.” Hohenheim wouldn’t lift his eyes from the ground.

“You… you couldn’t help Ed? Why not?” If Al wasn’t crying before, he certainly was now. His voice had wavered on every syllable.

“I… You can’t bring someone back. He was already gone by the time I got to him. I’m sorry,” he said, voice just barely above a whisper.

Al looked past Hohenheim’s shoulder, only to catch a glimpse of someone –  _ Ed _ – being covered with a white sheet.

“No…  _ no… _ we said we would get our bodies back together! This isn’t fair!” Al had desperately attempted to stand up, but the firm hands on his shoulders prevented him from doing so.

“Alphonse… you have to stay down. You’re not well. You’re going to be taken to a hospital.” He paused and took a deep breath. “I truly am sorry… there was nothing I could do -” his voice had cut out, a sob crawling its way out of his throat.

Al found himself looking back over and staring at the people surrounding Ed. Teacher had tears streaming down her face, not even bothering to wipe them away. He felt like he shouldn’t be there, watching this, but he couldn’t tear his focus away as he felt tears of his own streaming down his bony face.

He was so focused on just  _ watching _ Teacher and some others cry as the body –  _ Ed, calling it a body only makes it more real  _ – was being moved that he didn’t even notice Lieutenant Hawkeye approach with a disoriented Colonel Roy Mustang in tow.

“It’ll be alright, Alphonse. I promise,” she said, while sinking to her knees. She had a blank expression upon her face, but Al couldn’t tell if she was doing it for Al’s sake or her own.

Hawkeye continued calmly mumbling reassurances to Al as she placed one hand on his shoulder. Colonel Mustang was standing behind her, at a loss for words.

The last thing Al felt before passing out again was the soft embrace of Lieutenant Hawkeye hugging him. Huh. That was his first real hug since he had lost his body.

-

Roy can officially say that he hates the military.

Everything was in a state of chaos. There had been so many people arrested due to cooperating with the homunculi, and just as many if not more had been injured during the Promised Day. Even though Roy had been recovering in his hospital room for a few days immediately afterwards, he still found himself wound up talking to several other military officials about what to do from here on.

Roy had been discharged from the hospital just a few days ago. He probably shouldn’t be going into the office already but staying home only allowed him to wallow in his own thoughts. Hell, Roy probably shouldn’t even be in the office at all, not with his eyesight the way it was. Marcoh had already come to him with a proposition about using the philosopher's stone, and while he had agreed, he was waiting on one Jean Havoc to get healed before him.

So here he was. In his office, trying to discuss what the militaries next course of action should be with the myriad of people that had been bustling about ever since the Promised Day.

It had been a nice distraction. Ed’s funeral was supposed to be later today.

Roy… Roy honestly had no idea how he was going to manage. He was still in denial about it. Although he would have never admitted it before, he did genuinely care about the kid, as rambunctious as he was. Being told that Fullmetal had died during the fight… It felt so  _ wrong. _

Hawkeye, who had also just recently been released from the hospital, and should almost definitely  _ not  _ be working in the office, had come to pick him up for a ride. Supposedly to calm him down before the funeral later today, but Hawkeye was the one of the few people who Roy could never quite truly read.

Roy was glad. Even if she hadn’t meant to, this drive of theirs was giving Roy something else to think about. Like where they were even going.

It would have been funny in any other circumstance. Roy had spent so long trying to avoid doing work for most of his life, but now he was desperate for something to take his mind off current events. He was trying so hard to put his mind elsewhere that he almost didn’t notice when Hawkeye had started talking.

“Have you visited Alphonse since you got discharged?” Roy couldn’t see her face, but somehow, he knew that she hadn’t even glanced his way.

“I… No, no I haven’t. I thought he had been mostly unconscious since. Why?”

“Maybe it’ll do you good to speak to him. For peace of mind.”

“Right, for peace of mind. Is that where we’re going?”

“Yes, sir. I apologize for not telling you, but both of you need to talk to someone.”

Roy had been meaning to talk to the boy for a while now. They hadn’t spoken since the Promised Day, and Roy hadn’t even been able to see what Alphonse actually looked like. He told himself he was waiting to get his eyesight back to visit the boy, but the voice in the back of his mind told him he was avoiding Alphonse on purpose. Maybe that voice was right.

Roy still wasn’t entirely sure how he  _ had _ gotten his body back. From what he had been told, after Edward and Alphonse’s alchemy teacher had effectively put Father in the ground, the boys’ own father, Hohenheim, had somehow brought Al back. Not just the soul, but his  _ whole  _ body.

Nobody had seen this Hohenheim fellow since.

Roy could understand why he wouldn’t want to talk to anyone after watching…  _ that _ , but to leave Alphonse alone? Alone when he was in the hospital, after finally being able to feel things for the first time in years? If Roy ever saw the man again, he would knock some sense into him. Someone had to be there for the kid.

Roy had assumed that Hohenheim wouldn’t show for Fullmetal’s funeral. Which was later today.  _ Fuck,  _ Roy was not ready for this.

After they had managed to find a parking spot at the hospital, Hawkeye had begun guiding him through the halls. Roy didn’t question how she knew where they were going.

Hawkeye had led him into a room, presumably Alphonse’s room. She said a hasty goodbye and bid her leave. He probably should have asked her if Alphonse was even okay to talk right now.

“Alphonse? Are you awake?”

“Colonel Mustang? Yeah, I’m awake. What’s up?”

And… Roy had no idea how to respond. He hadn’t known what he had expected, he obviously knew the kid wasn’t going to break down whenever someone talked to him, but his tone felt  _ normal _ , like there wasn’t a  _ huge fucking elephant in the room. _ “I thought maybe you would want to talk to someone.” Fuck, this conversation was already awkward enough as it was.

“Yeah… yeah, I think that would do me some good. The funeral is later today, right? I can’t go in my condition, but honestly, I don’t think I would’ve wanted to anyways.” Al was clearly trying to keep his voice even, but it had begun wavering.

God, Roy couldn’t even imagine the expression on his face right now.

“How have you been feeling? Is everything alright?” Roy was attempting to sway the conversation. Just because Alphonse was ready to discuss it head on didn’t mean Roy was.

“My body has a lot of recovering to do, but I should be okay. I don’t know how I’ll manage it without Ed here but… I just wish he could have seen me get my body back before…” he trailed off. There really was no dancing around this conversation, huh?

“For what it’s worth, I think Fullmetal would have been happy for you even if he knew he couldn’t get his body back –” Oh no, he was babbling now, “– and I want you to know that I’m proud of you for coming this far. I know me and your brother have been on… interesting terms for most of his career, but nothing changes the fact that he was very important to me, and so are you. If you ever need to talk to anyone, please do not hesitate to call me,” he said with a hollow smile.

There was a pause. Roy had never felt so tense in his life, completely unaware if he had just royally fucked up what he was trying to say –

“I – thanks Colonel, that means more than you think.” Fuck, Alphonse was most certainly crying now.

“So, uh… Is anyone staying with you today?”

“Teacher is going to visit me later and stay with me. I don’t think she plans on going to the funeral either. I don’t blame her,” he said gently, his tone somewhat returning to what it had been when Roy had first talked to him.

As if sensing just how awkward Roy was feeling, he heard Hawkeye step back into the room to collect him. They made pleasant small talk, until Hawkeye had come up with a reason to extract Roy from the room.

“Okay, I’ll, uh, talk to you later. Remember what I said, about you calling if you ever need anything.” Hawkeye had continued to speak to Alphonse, but Roy wasn’t paying attention anymore.

-

It was quieter than Roy had expected. Or maybe that’s just because he couldn’t see what’s going on.

Hawkeye had been guiding him throughout the whole funeral, and providing explanations about what was happening and who was there. There was a lot of people that she couldn’t recognize, but then again, they had decided to not give Fullmetal a military funeral. Because, you know, Ed would have haunted them all from beyond the grave if they did. And Al would also try to kill them. Probably. So, no military funeral.

The service was being held in Central, mainly because of how hectic everything had been recently. Roy was sure that most of the people here would be willing to travel to Resembool if they had to, but they would have had to delay the service by at least a week if they were to do that. Instead, the service was happening in Central, and then Ed was being transported to Resembool to be buried next to his mother.

Hawkeye had told him that people had begun to go to the casket to say their final goodbyes. He distantly heard someone who he could only imagine to be the Rockbell girl start openly sobbing.

“We don’t have to go up, sir.” The grip on his hand tightened.

“No, I feel like I have to. Even if I can’t see him, I think I should go up anyways.”

And so they went. Roy had wanted to ask Hawkeye what Fullmetal looked like at that moment. Knowing that he was standing in front of the lifeless body of one of his subordinates hurt him in ways he didn’t know were possible. It wasn’t the same as when Hughes had died. Hughes was Roy’s best friend, but they were equals to each other. Fullmetal was… a kid. Just sixteen years old, and here he was,  _ dead _ , because of the stupid fucking military. If Roy hadn’t had such elaborate plans, if he didn’t have a flame burning in his soul, yearning to right all the wrongs with this god forsaken country, he would have quit the military right now and never looked back. Well, he probably would have quit when Hughes died, but the sentiment is the same.

What was he supposed to do now? He heard some of the others say things, but… There was nothing coming to mind. He could feel his throat beginning to choke up.

Roy was pretty sure that if he tried to say anything right now, he would start crying. He couldn’t do this anymore. He had to leave.

Hawkeye, seemingly sensing his distress, took his arm to guide him back to their seats.

The rest of the service was a blur. Roy couldn’t pay attention to anything that was being said. He just wanted to get out of there  _ now.  _ Even without being able to see, he could feel the sorrow and misery coming off everyone. It was almost painful to be here.

\--

It had been two years since the Promised Day. There were rumours swirling around about Grumman’s potential retirement coming up. He had done a good job so far, but he had only gotten into the position due to Bradley’s ‘sudden’ death. Someone replacing him was bound to happen sooner or later.

Roy thought it would be in poor taste to say he was looking forward to this, but it had begun to become more difficult to hide his eagerness. His promotion had made him one of the prime candidates to be the next Fuhrer. Nothing was set in stone yet, but Roy thought that there is a pretty good chance he would be chosen.

Alphonse had unabashedly admitted to being excited about Grumman’s retirement during their regular phone calls. He seemed positive that Roy would become the next Fuhrer. Logically, Roy knew that there was no way Alphonse could know for sure, but the confident way he had stated it made Roy hesitant to disagree.

It was through one of their regular phone calls that Roy had discovered that Alphonse was travelling East for a while. It was supposedly something that he and Edward had wanted to do, and Alphonse was only just now getting around to it.

This just gave Roy another excuse to continue avoiding Alphonse in person. They talked over the phone, sure, and one could even say they were  _ friends _ , as weird as it was to admit, but Roy couldn’t bring himself to see what Alphonse looked like outside of the armor. He knew that Edward and Alphonse did not look the same, but it was close enough.

So, he hid behind a phone. Like a coward. It didn’t seem to bother Alphonse. He probably already knew why without it ever asking about it.

With Alphonse being out of the country, and Grumman being about to retire, Roy had the perfect opportunity to do something he had been meaning to do for a while now.

He had managed to make it all the way to the grave without seeing anyone he knew. There was the occasional person on the road, but no one who would have given him a second glance.

And no one questioned the 520 cenz left next to the grave.

**Author's Note:**

> please comment if you enjoyed it, have criticism/advice or just want to yell at me! this is my first fic, all comments and kudos are appreciated :)


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